Who else if not we?
by Belladonna
Summary: At times in our lives we wonder, whether the things we do are worth all the pain we have to go through. After a great tragedy the most reluctant member of the Legacy team comes again to think about her life and rethink her work for the Legacy organization


Who else if not we

_Disclaimer:_This is a work of fan-fiction. The here fore used characters belong rightfully to MGM/UA and I just borrowed them. The only profit I hope to achieve with this is the pure pleasure of the reader, so no copyright infringement intended. Please do not sue me, I don't have money and won't be getting some from this story.

_Author's notes:_ The story takes place some time after the final episode of the show "The Beast within" and after destruction of the mansion on Angel Island. The story changes in storytelling between the story and the thoughts of a person, the change in font marks this change. It's the first part of the "Poltergeist" series (no confusion with the name of the show please*g*). I have read some wonderful work of different authors of virtual fifth seasons and more, so I want to make clear that this is not one of them. It is just a glimpse into the minds of every single member of the Legacy team after the final episode of the show as this series goes on. Please let me know what you think of this one, feedback and everything isalways greatly appreciated and can be sent to LadySet@gmx.netI am grateful for your opinion, it means a lot to me.

_Who else if not we?_

_ _

_by Belladonna_

_"Is it worth to fight although nothing seems to have changed at all, no matter what we do?"_

_-"If we don't do anything against it, who else?"_

The sun was setting, it went down slowly behind the horizon and cloaked the bay of San Francisco in a reddish glow. The waves of the crystal clear ocean kept falling against the cliffs and small white crowns were dancing on the water. A slight breeze ran through the treetops, that were growing on the small island right in that bay and it also caught itself in the hair of the one woman who was standing outside above the cliffs of Angel Island. Underneath her the waves were breaking and some birds drew their circles in the evening skies.

The woman simply stood there and glanced far into the distance. She wore a comfortable suit in the sandy color of her hair and the glance of her warm eyes was directed over the water and into the sunset, not to a specific point but just into the direction of the horizon.

She had come to a point in her life at which she was again thinking about it, just like she had come to this point many times before, but recently there had been so many things, so many things had happened she simply had to grasp first, understand and truly think through. She thought about her life and about how it had turned out for herself, that it had turned into a direction she actually never had been able to control or foresee.

Behind her the dust had long settled down onto the ruins of the mansion that had once stood here, not so long ago. They would build it up again, but until this would happen, surely it would take a while, a long while actually. Only a few walls were still standing of the huge mansion that once had been the home of the Luna Foundation here in San Francisco, the House of the Legacy that had been build here to face powers that most people had never heard of and had no idea that they truly existed. But the Legacy did this for almost an eternity now and always their members had died for it, for the things they believed in and in the execution of their duties, all over the world, like it had happened on this island before.

But now again somebody had died here, someone who had been close to those who had worked and also lived here, someone they all had known for a long time and very well. All of them still couldn't believe that he should be dead, that he would not return.

Rachel Corrigan pulled her arms around her, hugged herself and her thoughts also rose in high waves like the ocean underneath her feet did. She too could not believe it although she had been there like all the others when it had happened. She still could see the explosion of the mansion and how the chilling certainty had settled upon them, that Derek Rayne truly was dead, that he could not have survived the destruction of the house.

Her thoughts again returned to this evening and like so many times before they circled around one single thought, one single question she still had no answer for, the question why. Why did this all happen and why did it always take so many good people away, for what? But this evening as she was standing there another question joined the other ones as she was asking herself not for the first time whether her work would make any difference at all.

~/~

_My whole life has changed, stronger that I would have ever imagined it to happen or dreamed of. But as I now reflect about my life again, as I now think back, I never had had any chance to take another way, that chance wasn't given to me._

_I have become a member of the Legacy, even though I never have felt that I would fully belong there. My doubts make this all too clear to me again, for I never have fully believed in the things the Legacy represents and even less have I believed in the things they are fighting._

_I am a scientist, psychologist and each patient who would come to me and told me these things, who believed these things would exist I'd have never believed either. I would never believe any patient if he told me about the things I have seen during my work for the Legacy had I not seen them with my own eyes. My rational mind tells me that such things as ghosts or demons simply cannot exist._

_But then I experience every day again what it means to know that these things truly do exist. I have seen and done things that I had never thought possible and I have done and seen them since I am working for the Legacy. I am still not quite sure whether I should be happy about my knowledge, for this knowledge had a high price for me, maybe not as high as the one had been others had to pay for but higher nonetheless than I had been willing to pay._

_My first encounter with the Legacy and the world of the supernatural had been painful and I don't mean the physical pain I had had to endure or what was to follow next. In this first night of my knowledge of the supernatural not only my body had been abused but also my soul and I can still see in my dreams at night what had happened in this very night, although it had happened a long time ago now, the one night that should change my life forever and had introduced me to the Legacy, an organization I have known of as little as I had known of the demons or other powers whom to fight against should be from now on my life._

_Since my beginning of my work for the Legacy I have experienced things I cannot describe, to anybody without them thinking me for mentally instable or simply insane. I myself would not believe me, how should anybody else then? _

_Too often my own life had been in danger because of these forces and my work against them and I have not been able to do anything against it then as I also cannot do now. And now, though I have come clear with all this, I still cannot think of all the dangers I am putting my own daughter in because of my work for them. It is worse than all the things I had to endure because she means my life to me, even more. All these things I have to deal with, the demonic forces or whatever you might call them, they could take her away from me, I could loose her forever and that is something I couldn't live with. They could take me away from her and that way her away from me for ever. If anything like this would happen, I'd die, I know that for I love her more than anything in my life._

_I don't know why all this keeps springing back into my mind now, for I have thought about it often in the past. I often have thought about leaving the Legacy for the sake of my daughter or rather because of her. I so much want to give her a normal life, without the knowledge of all these things, she shouldn't know. I want to protect her but I know that I cannot do that forever and especially not of the things I have seen. Wouldn't she be better off if she didn't know about all these things? I have been asking myself these questions many times as often as I have stood at a turning point like this in my life. I am still not sure whether I have made the right decision of staying or whether I just should have gone and left this life behind in the futile hope to forget all this and to be able to live a normal live after all._

_All these things that I have seen, that have happened to me could happen to anybody else, even to Kat and this is it that worries me more than I'd be willing to admit._

_So many things have changed since I joined the Legacy, not only for me but also for Kat and I am asking myself not for the first time now whether it all is worth it._

_Is it worth risking my life every day, my very soul every day I am working for this organization and not only mine but my daughter's also? _

_I have seen many good people die for this, for the things they have believed in and fought for, now a very close friend and it had brought once again all too clearly to my eyes that this could happen every day to me, with every new case I have to solve for them it could be me and who would take care of my daughter then? Who will be there for her then, who will hold her and who will be able to give her her mother back if I am dead?_

_The world does not know about all these threats; ghosts, demons and any other supernatural phenomenon they only know from books and dismiss it as fantastic and fictional. They will never know that all these things are more realistic than they'd believe them to be, that they are very real, more than we would wish for sometimes but we cannot dismiss them so simple nonetheless, because of our knowledge._

_I have never been a true member of the Legacy, I have never felt like one and even now I am not quite sure about it. But I know now that I don't want other people to see or experience the things I have experienced and there are uncountable things that people rather should not know. I am not sure whether I should be happy because I know them for sometimes it truly is better not to know._

_As I am standing here I am asking myself not for the first time the question, whether all this would be worth it if so many good people have to die for like Derek or Kristin and so many more I have not known and nothing changes, nothing at all. So many fights, so many unnecessary deaths and nothing has changed. Do we make a change at all with fighting all these ghosts or demons or do we lead a futile fight that now has gone on for so long and cost so many lives? Nobody will ever know what we have done for them for they don't even know what kind of danger they have been in or that we exist at all. _

_I don't know whether to envy them for their innocence and ignorance or just to pity them. It is said that ignorance would be blissful and sometimes it truly is better not to know. But these things are all too real and I have come to realize now that someone has to stand against these things and protect all those people not only from these supernatural forces but also from the knowledge that these things exist at all and are very real, for those who have died for it and also because of those who have died for the things the Legacy stands for and believes in. I know now that I have to do it, not just for them but for my daughter as well. _

_Because who else should do it then if not we?_

_~fin~_

_ _


End file.
